Here in the Los Angeles area, one radio station, KOST-FM, is yet again doing its annual month long playing of nothing but Christmas songs. 24/7 of nothing but Christmas songs until Christmas. God help us.
The big problem with this concept is the preponderance of really crappy Christmas songs. Mind you, there are some really lovely ones, too, such as Bing Crosby's "White Christmas", Nat King Cole's "The Christmas Song", Burl Ives crooning "Silver and Gold" from the old Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer TV special. And if you want to hear the only more recently composed yuletide ditty that is worth listening to, go to iTunes, check out my friend Karissa Noel and listen to her song "Christmas Isn't Christmas (Without You)". [If you live in the Los Angeles Area, call KOST and request it, then go to iTunes and buy it, thanks.] But most of what KOST plays are just poorly done or ill conceived covers of classic Christmas songs and lame new Pop tunes with maybe one reference to the holiday, mindless pap about "magic" and "children" and some sleigh bells in the background, many of them truly annoying like 'Last Christmas' by Wham!, but there is one that really grates my nerves no end. I've griped about it before, and it is still the champion. For my money, it is the worst Christmas song ever!
Tryin' to buy that last gift or two, not really in the Christmas mood
Standing right in front of me was a little boy waiting anxiously
Pacing 'round like little boys do
And in his hands he held a pair of shoes
His clothes were worn and old, he was dirty from head to toe
And when it came his time to pay
I couldn't believe what I heard him say
Chorus:
Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, please
It's Chrsitmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time
You see she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes would make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight
He counted pennies for what seemed like years
Then the cashier said, "Son, there's not enough here"
He searched his pockets frantically
Then he turned and he looked at me
He said Mama made Christmas good at our house
Though most years she just did without
Tell me Sir, what am I going to do,
Somehow I've got to buy her these Christmas shoes
So I laid the money down, I just had to help him out
I'll never forget the look on his face when he said
Mama's gonna look so great
Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time
You see she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes would make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight
Bridge:
I knew I'd caught a glimpse of heaven's love
As he thanked me and ran out
I knew that God had sent that little boy
To remind me just what Christmas is all about
Yeah, all about crass consumerism. I mean.... Good Lord! This kid's mother is DYING! And he's freaking out because he doesn't think his Mom is presentable to the son of God! "Son... I don't know how much longer I have... Please, stay with me and hold my hand..." "Heavens, Mother! NO! You're a MESS! You're meeting Jesus like that??? I'll be back...." says Isaac Mizrahi Jr., and off he dashes into the night. I'm amazed there haven't been sequels to this song, like "The Christmas Dress" and "The Christmas Handbag" making for an entire Christmas Make-over trilogy, with specials on the Bravo channel.
Don't get me wrong. I can be a softy. I cried the first time I saw an animated cartoon version of The Little Match Girl. When I watch It's A Wonderful Life, I still get choked up when George Bailey sees his younger brother Harry show up at the end, that look on Jimmy Stewart's face.... Just the thought of it.... Excuse me, I need a Kleenex....
But this shameless attempt at emotional manipulation is absolutely vomitous! Bad enough this song exists, it was even turned into a made-for-TV movie!
And if there is anything worse than crappy Christmas songs, it has to be any and all made-for-TV Christmas movies!
